I are normal.....not.

Time to spin and bounce....

The mood lately has (rather, had) been still pretty dark and gloomy.  I think I've pinpointed what is going on here:  For those of you keep track at home, this relationship is just about month old now -Just two months on the whole of the four of us meeting each other.  I believe I know what that brain cloud that's been hanging above us is:  Normalcy.  We already have the sense of a great reward in this friendship.... I think we're all imposing our normal responses to when we feel something we shouldn't because a month or two months is generally not long enough to trust someone or have a great affection unless something is wrong.  And the problem is that nothing is wrong.  We have: open communication.  honesty.  accountability.  and responsibility.  I think it's important that we all recognize that what is wrong and why we're all in a funk is because this situation is not normal....and that's okay. 

I think all of us are a little too terrified of that other shoe dropping- where Oz and I fall in love.  Where it turns out that I'm just using Oz's wife.  Where GM is placating me.  Where we're all just doing this so we can fuck each other.  You know what?  I call all that shit abnormal!  None of those things are things we're capable of!  We're good friends and we all care very much for each other.  Nobody wants to do harm to anyone and I think that we're learning to understand we're not always going to be perfect in that pursuit. 

And anytime those feelings crop up, we need to pay heed to the saving grace of time.  The great thing about negativity is that it lives in those spaces that time and space don't.  But like some unknown quantum particle, it has a way of unfolding it's layers to make that space in between seem like an immeasurable gap.  You know what negativity? FUCK YOU and your unfolding I'm going to screw up everything just because I can attitude!

If you haven't noticed, happy afina is back.  I love my friends, I ain't afraid to show it- especially to Oz's wife, Omnia (yes, she has a name now) who I have never known a friend to be more real than she.  I'm glad to be able to Dom Oz....it'll be an addition to his life one day, not something that detracts while we learn.  I'm glad to be able to submit to GM...knowing that there is no longer a void below me, I feel strong.

-afina