Little moments

Im having one of those happy nights, a happy moment. It's odd when at the end of the day, the random influx of information that you received highlights at odd intersections, the same way that fabric can fold in the most graceful way over itself. The voids hidden, the important, the significant exposed for view. Often we work to give the opposite. A show of what we are not, somehow rights itself as better and we hide that which is most precious.

I read a story about someone being nice to an old lady at the end of their life, ran into a girl at the salon, twice and we had a funny exchange that made me want to ask her if she'd want to sit down and have coffee. Being told by Oz, you never bug me, by Omnia that her heart skipped a beat because I shove clutter out of the way for the kids to eat and GM, that somehow through all the hell we've been through, that HE is a lucky guy to have me.

Am I actually content?

The things that are wrong are small, insignificant. I'm broke. I picked smoking back up (again). I need to lose some weight, mom is still crazier than ever. But I'm okay with all of that. Even the immense displeasure I had in finding out Oz's collar had broke has turned into a happy little reunion with me and it. I wish it could speak to the things it's done...what it's hit up against, what the inside of Oz's pocket looks like. Ha! I swear I'm not stoned.

Yes. I would say I am content.

And as fleeting as that moment may be, I know it'll cast out a string to the next time I am and make me remember those things which made me happy. My ex mistaking a turkey for a chicken in a hilarious attempt to cook dinner for the first time. Driving down to the lake at three in the morning to sit on the loading dock and let the carp bite my feet. My sons middle finger pointing up while he held on and breast fed. Walking back down the isle as a married woman, asking a friend for a cigarette and running outside, being taken aback that I actually believed the words I just spoke to my new husband while I sucked down the cig and watched golf carts with men bewildered at me standing outside in my wedding dress. We got married at a golf course.

Silver threads connect one to the other, never stopping, never breaking. Contentment. Yes. I haz it.

-afina