Lithe New Beginnings

Okay Afina, sit your little butt down and get this out.  UGH, I've been having really bad writers ADD.  Too many things, not enough brain wrinkles....

So glad I have patient and understanding friends.  I've had some new developments lately (more later) and I've been a little scared and worrisome about them.  It's mostly because I'm primed due to the high level of stress from work... I'm trying to stage a coup and take over so I can get people who have no business running a cafe out of my kitchen and subsequently, out of my hair.

I'm just going to have to fumble this out because there is no other way around it.... I have a prospective new sub.....and she's a girl.  It is much like my situation with Oz, a swinging couple, for reasons between them, they do not wish to engage in BDSM with each other and this is where I come into play.  She's played around in the scene a bit, so she'll come with some experience- not a complete blank page- and I have a feeling she'll be slightly leaning to that fun of insubordination, but by no means a doormat.

Another big difference is going to be the fact that we're not dragging the girl's husband along for the ride....who would be Omnia's counterpart.  He himself is a Domme and he understands those concepts that were difficult for Omnia.  Not that she was stupid or slow, but her mindset being more traditional and vanilla grabbed those concepts and distorted them from what they meant into squicky things.  And hey, BDSM isn't for everyone.  Something totally foreign to me is the idea that I don't have to navigate that, "Yes, it looks like spouse is beholden to me and not you but that couldn't be further from the truth.  This is like a job and if he wants his pay, he has to play by my rules."  (Argh!! Why do I think of the good sayings so long after I need them?)  Stupid confidence simplifying shit... But what many would see as a hinderance was a safety net for me.  Omnia kept my feet on the ground that often like to take flight.  I knew the rabbit hole with Oz was far deeper than we ever went venturing and the reality was we could have done some damage to our friendships.  It could have become a requirement for me and possibly Oz.  Omnia was vital to me in that sense.

That said, with everything the way it ended and a few loose ends not neatly tied in bows, I didn't want any bits of my domination over Oz to carry over into this new with the girl.  We had far too clean of a break, fueled by my indignation and hurt pride.  For me, when those driving factors went away, the break wasn't a clean one-at least on my end.  I felt like I didn't have any sense of where it ended, but just that it had.  It was hard to speak Ozease at that time and for the longest, I was afraid to hear of how horrible a Domme I was.  Scratch that, I was downright terrified.  Why? Oz is one of my best friends and part of that best means how you treat that person.  Heh....who wants to be the best horrible Domme?  Not me! :)  But, again, his friendship has remained a constant and that got me over whether nature or nurture was what showcased my failing as a Domme with him and I know he would never hold either over my head.  Last bits tied and what a pretty package of a great memory that ended up making.  The present it gave? Good friends who get each other which makes the factor of me being a good or bad Domme immaterial. 

Sigh.....it's still a wildly new concept that I'm trying to get my head around. I had just been so convinced that if I dominated another person, it would be a guy.  I do think it's my natural inclination to be a Domme over a man because I love forcing that sense of ecstasy down their throat through means of control and power.  To be able to cause that thing which causes a short circuit from their brain to everything... that is pretty cool.  Guys always tend to assume the role of a giver, even in the sense of BDSM.  So to take away that aspect and make them receive is my angle.  That's not all that difficult with a girl because we are generally tuned to receive  Girls are a bit of a diminished sense of a challenge to that.  It's typically easy for a girl to get short circuited.  But, keeping myself entertained is more my responsibility anyway so whenever it comes to scenes...getting on the fast track may be kind of fun.  :)

-Afina