Afterglow

Come on afina, you haven't written in a long time, you have the house to yourself, why is it so hard to bring back that finger voodoo that you do so well?

Ugh, I'm having a difficult time forming words... aside from the fact that my phone has been blowing up for the past three days and I get about five words in then I have to switch gears again.

This past weekend was a slow culmination of some good things and some bad things...and not that the bad things were especially bad, they were just things that I wish hadn't happened.  So, first with the bad:

I had a command fail earlier in the week due to poor planning, negotiating and just fumbling all around.  I wanted Oz to complete a written scenario about D/s in a set period of time.  He responded with something he planned to do during that time which would make completion very difficult, which, to me, was more important than the command.  Because I wanted (and still want, make no mistake) him to complete the task, I told him he could amend the time in order to complete it.  He didn't take the time extension, he didn't do the assignment and he used his get out of punishment/command for free card.  What I failed to realize was the implications of changing the command.  Oz said that it feels strange in the dynamics when a command becomes a negotiated want, and he's right.  My biggest issue with this is that now I have time constraints on when to execute commands.  It would have been perfect to give him the command on his day off from work, when he has eight hours to be able to dedicate to it, but that isn't an option.  With this being during dedicated times only, it's difficult for me to know when something is good or inconvenient.  I did feel a bit of an ego blow because so far, I've prided myself in being able to execute commands which seem to challenge all the dynamics of desire, time, and growth, but nobody is perfect.  But the perfectionist in me doesn't want this to happen again.  I want to make sure that I convey the forethought and carefully crafted design in each command because, in this, I live for that frustrated smile that succumbs to his lips as he obeys.

We planned to have Oz and Omnia come over on this past Saturday and I intended to have a good, long domination session with Oz.  I gave him commands on how to shower and shave and how I expected his conduct once he got here.  He was to ask permission to drink, smoke, use the restroom and touch me.  This latter part, I have to admit, I didn't like much.  While I often get guff from GM about being too mean, I felt that I was actually too nice.  I think that scenario works better when you can have a longer time to work it.  Still, I did get a little giddy when I'd get a look and he'd ask, "May I go to the bathroom, please?"  We all settled in on a time that Oz and I were going to start the scene and I took him back into the bedroom.  I told him to undress and I inspected his shaving job.  It was fun running my hands around his groin to make sure he did a good job- especially around his ass.

After this, I took the brand new leather cuffs and leather blind fold I made and bound him to a chair.  I wanted him to sit there for at least twenty minutes.  I also had him put in ear plugs to help deafen the ambient noise coming from the movie Omnia and GM were watching.  With a kiss on the cheek, I left him to soak in silence for at least ten minutes.

During this time, I went outside and had a cig.  I kept wondering what was going through his head.  I didn't tell him that I left him there, so I wondered if he said anything.  When it was getting close to time, I went in and gathered the rest of my supplies: Ice and strawberries.  I went back into the room and used, what I found out later was unsuccessful, the sleep tones on GM's alarm clock to provide a distinct noise to hopefully make him wonder if it was in his head or if it was real.  He says he didn't hear it, but I remember as I turned up the sound, that he looked as though he paused his random movements to listen.  I stayed in the room for the remaining ten minutes, gathering up the rope flogger and holding the ice cubes in my hands to make them cold.

When I finally went over to him, I touched him very gently on his arm.  I wasn't sure if he was aware that I was in the room, but I didn't want to startle him.  I ran my cold hand along his neck and shoulders.  I ate a strawberry and kissed his lips, trying to see if the deprivation heightened the sense of touch, temperature, and taste.  Slowly, I untied him from the chair and tried to pull him to the bed.  My intention was to have him lay down on his stomach, hinged at the edge of the bed at his hips with his legs off the bed.  Instead.....he basically crawled into bed.  I wasn't sure of his state of mind, and I didn't want to command him out of frustration.  This is where my newness still shows.  Looking back, I should have been more forceful in getting him into the position I wanted. (or at least told him beforehand...)  I had a learning moment.

From there I ran the tips of the falls up and down his back, hoping to give him the awareness of what was going to happen next.  From there, I proceeded to flog up and down his back and ass.  From GM and Omnia later on...they said it sounded like I was hitting him with a car door.  ::grin:: After a good, ten minute flogging, I crawled next to him and took off his cuffs and his blind fold.  He looked so peaceful laying there.  Not a sense of wanting to sleep, just still, like he had been carved out of stone. 


It felt really nice to stretch the legs.... bonus points:  Conversing with Omnia later on, she said that she felt completely cool and comfortable with everything that went down.  That made me very happy.  The weekend on whole had a nice afterglow that's carried me through the week.

-afina