A couple of days ago, the boy posted up link to a song on his facebook profile. He said that he was looking for something that sounded like this with a few different changes. It's not an uncommon thing for me try and look for things for people when they can't find it themselves. It's actually a bit of a hobby. I love to research and get lost in information -especially when said topic, ideal, or thing isn't an interest of mine beforehand. I love it when I am able to thumb through the pursuits of others without the constraints of wanting something out of the work, I feel like it gives me the ability to look beyond the origins of their own work and see the collective seed which produced their work. Not trying to get poetic, but it gives me the ability to work that consuming focus I'm able to have on things in a controlled space, to pick it up and put it down -something I need to master with those things which I do have a passion for.
What specifically peaked my interest in regards to his post was his comment that he said he knew there are people who could point him to the sound he was looking for. I'm pretty sure he wasn't meaning me, however, an opportunity to complete a challenge was presented so I took it upon myself to find what he was looking for. I mean, I am his Dom, right? ::insert sly grin here::
Now, the music selection employs several different elements I didn't know much about, but lucky for me, youtube has the ability to link similar things together. I went through several of them but based on my own intuition, none of them sounded right. I began to get what he was saying about the original song being "close". It had the elements but it wasn't ringing that bell that says, "this is exactly what I am looking for". So, I started my own search, thinking of various songs that could be remixed into that sound that should hit that bell and to make a rather long and boring search through many duds short, playing off those sounds and this, I found a song that was close, but even I didn't think it was quite right. I sent it to him, he liked it, but said it wasn't quite what he was looking for.
This time, I went back through my own musical library and listened to songs that had a similar feel to the original song that was remixed. I fell onto my Regina Spektor collection and let remixes of her songs send me through the similar postings.... Another long search through a bunch of duds... some with me wanting to claw my ears out, I found the song. I knew it when it started. To be sure, I listened through it a couple of times, each time making that "bell" ring a little louder.
So, I sent him the link and waited for his response.
"This is perfect."
I hadn't quite expected that response. Even though the music isn't necessarily my forte, I did like what I found for myself. I made a little note that I should use this to come up with things for him in the future to which he agreed. But then it hit me. The Dom that I put to sleep till this coming weekend when I hand the boy his homework woke up and whispered in my ear, ".....the boy didn't say thank you..." And she was right. He hadn't. With all the hints and suggestions being dropped, I knew that part of me wasn't actually sleeping, but stalking through the regular tandems of day to day conversation looking for an opportunity.
Not knowing quite what was going on, I didn't want to issue a forthright command and it be thwarted by duties that do come before this. I told him that I was feeling spry and wanted to see if he was willing to do something for me. This is my "legato" as it were to ensure that my instructions will be played smoothly in accordance with factors beyond my control. His response suggested that it completely flew over his head.
Damn! Admittedly, I was scared to press forward, maybe he hadn't missed it and was trying to avoid. No, I told myself, you need to find out his limits, his barriers, what he is willing to do and not do. You can't rely on visual or vocal responses all the time, you have to trust his will. If there is a Dom out there who hasn't had this conversation with themselves, then they are no Dom. Careful consideration of the boundaries is a must in any action, no matter how insignificant.
I repeated myself, this time giving him the only two options to answer the question if he would do something for me.
"Yes."
So, I issued him the command that he must thank me, and if he wanted to please me, he had to post the way I asked him to thank me on his facebook. These new waters have unknown depths so I did not want to cause him stress of potentially outing himself, so, pleasing me was not required. Moments later I saw the picture and the facebook posting. I told him you're welcome with a sad representation of the giant grin on my face.
This was a test in humiliation. I understand that part of him that needs to be a perfectionist because I am one too. When you get it wrong, despite how you feel, there is something soothing in being given a chance to make it right. In the normal world, this easily spins out of control, second guessing yourself and freezing you from action. In the bdsm world it is letting off a bomb in a box. It seemed to calm him, it was my hope to do so, at least.
Admittedly, I did feel a bit remorseful for it, that fear that I've gone too far. I am playing with fire, and I know it. Thankfully, GM is a good guide. He said that I did good. I hope the boy had the same sense of satisfaction in pleasing me that I did in pleasing GM.
-afina
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