I'm coming out

GM and I recently came out to a bunch of our "friends" in the swinger world  that we are in a D/S relationship ...welll, most of them are acquaintances, but people we care about none the less.  I was very nervous about it.  In the swinger community there is hierarchy, rules, regulations....meeting minutes.  It's sometimes amazing that anyone has sex at all with how "standardized" it can seem. So many couples we know- they have to "do it" on a regular basis like clock work, or only call on the third fuck, or if the groundhog sees it's shadow, then no sex with unicorns with blond hair. Okay, the last one seems to be a bit of a farce. 

But my issue is that it has become so regulated that it makes it difficult to meet anyone.  Anytime we go to the club, it literally seems like high school  I feel like we have a lot more luck going vanilla hunting or making connections online with people that we have to put an extra effort in where standard rules don't apply.  And I think this is why I'm so nervous about coming out-  the negative tongue lashing we'll get about being D/S because, it's okay to do vanilla style "oooOOOoo, I spanked you!" bdsm, but we've gotten told "Don't come out to your vanilla friends about being swingers, you just don't do that."  We've also gotten told that GM already dominates me since I tend to be very quiet in social settings-  and for me, it's simply because I either don't have anything to say or I am nervous and I have speech ticks that shine like a black eye on me. 

It's the one negative social throwback into my days of being a completely self loathing human being and I blame it more on the fact that it is my speech habits and patterns, not the thought process. 

I just hate being judged and that is my biggest worry.  I feel the bdsm community is likely to be misunderstood more than the swinger realm- which is why we haven't come out to anyone but a select-select few on the vanilla front. 

But it feels good to be out.  I know GM feels the same way, except he errs on the confidence side where I the trepidatious side.  I'm sure I'm making it out to sound horrible, but the same instinct that keeps my mouth shut around people I'm not reasonably comfortable with that makes me draw a wary eye to my surroundings.  Being the skittish spirit has served me well.  And since making the commitment to submit, I have to let a lot of that go so, forgive me if all my thoughts jumble up.  It's all still new for me. 

At least we don't have to hide who we are, anymore, again.  It is easier to protect yourself when you are clearly defined- better to know your own weakness as well as the enemy does, because they're more focused on those than your strong points and you can squash haters like that! :)

Shark week blues....I wonder if I could still get a spanking...Maybe if promise not to eat chocolate cake at work I can get waylayed.  >:)

-afina