Heart Shaped Serendipity

I hate working out and I hate dieting.  It's no wonder I feel this way about the two things I am subjecting myself to in order to not have to work out or diet beyond reasonable measure.  I'm sore in a way I don't want to be, and if I keep binging on slivers of chocolate cake at work like I did last night (the fight with my boss was frustrating, we've had to officially reset our working relationship over, of all fucking things, red pepper flakes) then I'm going to prolong this working out/dieting hell longer than I want to.

I'm overweight not happy with the weight I'm at.  Nor am I happy about my energy level and I'm sure that my organs don't appreciate the extra work they have to do to keep me healthy.  I don't think I look bad, however, I do think I could look better.  Improvement is my motivator.  GM is being extremely helpful as well. Since I started on my self inflicted torture this past Monday, he's been encouraging and taking a sabbatical from our games.  It's been a double edged sword. On one hand, I appreciate the time to relax, deal with my bread lust and keep the muscles that I didn't know where there that are screaming at me still.  On the other hand, the fuzzy stress release of a proper spanking is calling me worse than said chocolate cake.

Last night was breaking the four night streak of no action.  GM, reconciling his hurting sub and nut sack said he needed a maintenance orgasm.  At first, I wasn't game: When we're not in D/S mode, my sexuality is a bit finicky.  Think a diesel engine on a cold day.  But, finally, an orgasm seemed like the thing I needed as well.  So we started down our road of knocking away the cobwebs just for the purpose of knocking away the cobwebs.  So when it was time for me to play with him and help him get off, at first it was our normal routine. Him slowly working to an erection with his hand, I lightly stroking my fingers on his sack while I lick his nipples and wriggle against him.  We started in an odd position with his arm between us, pinned against his side.  He eventually moved it to "hug" me while we were still playing in normal mode.  But then, he placed his hand on my loosely tied up hair and began instructing me on where he wanted my mouth to go.on his chest. As he became more and more rigid, he did a gentle tug on my hair as a way to signal what he wanted, I think, to give me the chance to say no/hurting too bad/<insert half valid excuse here>.  I didn't object so he kept guiding me down to turn my focus to his now raging hard cock. 

"When I come, I want you to lick some off of me," he said. I shuddered, partly out of joy for getting a command, partly out of fret because I wasn't sure I wanted it right now.  It's not the taste necessarily, but it burns the back of my throat a bit and it doesn't go away... need to see what is causing this since what you eat can affect how it tastes.  But the shudder of joy over won and I licked up a few of the places that painted his stomach.  Taste is tasting better, but still the back of the throat burn gets me.  Even still, I felt that nice fuzzy feeling of being out of control.

GM said how that was unexpected -referring to the spontaneous "game on".  I definitely agreed.  It felt great, loved, intended, and "perfect" for my level of pain tolerance and bread lusting self loathing I've been going through.  But it reminded me.  I can take a lot of what is thrown at me, but I've been too ginger with myself being a little whiny baby about working out.  Even GM said (after much explaining of how douchey the comment is and how much he doesn't want to be douchey, but trying to be supportive and such) that I could stand to lose "some".  I don't have a doubt that he would love me if I weight 500 lbs, but I wouldn't let myself do that to him just to prove it.  I don't have to. But, I need to get better about taking more shit from myself and less from other people.  GM's status, of course, is exempt from that.


I hope last night's serendipitous display of, "Yes, you can have fun, even while you're hungry, sore and tired." from GM won't be the last.

-afina