The reluctant DM

DM- a dominant male.

Yes, mine is a bit reluctant. Not out of lack of desire per se, but I think it would best be described as orientation. He was never taught to be dominant and his fear of messing up the practice sometimes has him frozen from action. I completely understand. The other day I was commanded to set the timer early enough in the day to "forget" that it was set. His intention was to give me a good spanking when the alarm went off. Unfortunately Murphy, the always uninvited guest, came to visit. The washing machine decided that it wanted to leak, we needed something quickly for dinner that night and the kid was just barely in bed. Both of us were in a frustrated mood when the alarm went off. I ask him what it was for and at first, he said nevermind, this being the whipped topping on the pile of shit just dumped at our feet.

So, trying to help recover his plans I pressed him and he told me it was for a spanking. Trying to recover the mood set earlier from getting a command I said, "You can still give me one, Sir.". So he sighed, instructed me to slip my pants down to expose my ass and then, "SMACK!" Instead of the pleasing tingle I normal get, my ass hurt now. Actually, it hurt pretty bad. I reflexively said, "Ow! Fuck that hurt!" and GM murmured something about nothing going right and left for the store. Wincing from the pain and still tring to contain the leak from the washing machine, I realized that we both did something wrong. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did and he shouldn't have hit me like that.

Now before I get any comments about how this is abuse, it wasn't that hard, but the kind of hurt that doesn't come with these kinds of games. And his complete reluctance to do anything after that for two weeks shows how remorseful he was.

So, we talked about it. Discussed that maybe setting a time which something has to be done should be reserved for non-school nights and he could be a little more spontaneous?  Also, I tried to tell him that he can't beat up on himself if he makes a "mistake" like that again.  That we're not going to be able to move past this stage unless we crack a few eggs...or whips.  And this is part of the reason I chose the name for this blog, because I've been a wanting servant without a master.  Once I realized this is what I wanted to be  who I wanted to be, I have become a bit more dangerous.  We all find ways of getting what we want, no?  Without someone to serve, I do destructive behavior and I realize in ways, I was doing that to my GM a long time ago (as well as other things).  Acting out and getting negative attention was better than no attention at all.

I think the hardest thing for him to wrap his mind around is that mental restraint can be as effective, if not more so than actual physical restraint.  Bringing up my alltime favorite move, Secretary, the mental restraints, how she so willingly cloisters her actions against that thin membrane of doing what you're told gives so much  pleasure.  Do what you're told and you get a cookie! (Is it a wonder why so many of us are into this?)

But he's learning, it's becoming a central thought, a way to engage me in a general sexual manner at any point of the day and I know  he likes this.  As part of my control trip, I asked him to be passive to me for so long and it'd be wrong of me to expect him to change to being dominant so quickly.  I'm not worried, every thing he's come up with has aroused me a lot.  I can't wait to see what happens when he applies it and feels more confident..

No games last night, although when I think of Monty Python now, I get the sensation there is a cock in my mouth.

-Still unnamed, still a tired tired Game Maker.  Maybe soon?